i'm about ready to make the biggest change i ever could in life. i'm so excited. i know everythings going to be perfect. i'm finally not scared about the future.
i've been stuck in the past. wishing i didn't make some of the choices that i had. wanting to take back so many things. maybe i would have been happier?? but, i'm happy...and thats all that matters anymore. no more regreting the past....(i still love you and only did it to help you, give you a life i couldn't have given you)
me and casey broke up. so, no moving to Ohio for me. (thank goodness) i mean it hurts, but it needed to happed, i was unhappy and hurt someone i love more than anything. so, it just wasn't working anymore.
i need a soul vacation. i have this urge to go to some state where i don't know anyone and go and get a cup of coffee and sit in the cold weather and ponder life. actually, i would settle for a nice long conversation with someone i haven't talked to in forever and reflect on how life is.
i've done so much soul searching, i've grown, i'm soneone i didn't think i ever could be, but in the process i've lost many of my close firends. and that hurts.
i was thinking about the day before i left for new york and me, vanessa, danielle, phillis, and james all went up to beatnicks and had some awesome coffee and just talked. well shared stories on phillis and james. thats one of the best memories, and now i don't talk to any of them anymore. Vanessa thinks i'm a crack whore, james is...an ass, phillis is in boot camp, and i don't know about danielle.
i just want someone to sit down with and have a nice meaningful conversation with. someone i haven't talked to in a while.
in a few months, when everything is finalized, i'm moving out of state. i don't know exactally what state, i'm thinking new york, but a different state. i'm going to have to grow up, and i love that idea.
i just, miss you....