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he said he wanted to know me... he said he loved me [23 Jul 2006|10:26pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

This last week has been really tough. I haven't heard from Joey, I've been pretty sick, and almost ended up in the emergency room twice. Its not like I want to be with Joey anymore, but I want him to care how I'm doing, just for the simple fact that I'm carrying his child!! I don't think its too much to ask for him to pick up the phone and see how everything is going and see if I need help with anything...but he can't even do that. I would just like him to feel how I'm feeling right now. Alone, confused, depressed, tired, anxious, happy, I can't even explaine everything.

So, I went shopping this weekend with mom. I only got 4 outfits, a blanket, and some booties and a hat. plus i already have a crib, bassinet, and stroller. But i'm going to donate the crib to charity and make Joey get me the crib that I really want!!!

Well, I'm tired and hungry..(big suprise there) so I'm going to make me some dinner and get some sleep!

Watch Me Cry

this is all i have to say!! [25 Apr 2006|07:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i want you to love me as much as i love you. i need to be needed! i'm sorry for that, i'm sorry for wanting to spend time with you and to talk to you. but i'm sorry most of all for being me. because i'm not who you thought i was, because i'll never be that "one" person for you, because you could never love me the way i need to be loved. and for that, i'm sorry.

so, i was talking to kim today about when i was going to go up there. she has me all excited about it now. i'm happy. i know this is what i need to do. the day i plan on leaving here is May 30!! my last day of work will be May 26, which is a friday, and then leave on the 30 (tuesday)!!! things couldn't possibly be worse than they are now!

Stephanie, me and kim were talking and seeing as neither of us have talked to you in a while, i figured i would post it here, we, me and kim, want you to fly up with me and stay for a while. and for whatever it is you need to tell me, but can't over the phone my email addy is xloserx360@aim.com just incase you didn't know. hope to hear from you soon!

and then to top everything else off me, joey, joey, and tony are no longer allowed up at mobil!! haha. like i really care? just funny. and i don't even know why. Actually, i wasn't even told, Joey told me. WHATEVER!!!!!!!

Watch Me Cry

the good ol' days [03 Apr 2006|01:06am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

If you werent born around 1982-1987 then you probably don't know much about this...but for all who do...enjoy.

Before the MySpace frenzy.

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.


Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.


When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our


When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back......


Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Go Seek in the dark.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball even Wallball.



Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privilege to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"


Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold



The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.


Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of all that.

Kenan & Kel.

magic school bus.


flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.


pinky and the brain.

hangin with mr.copper.


bill-nye the science guy.


Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite
with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching
The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with face

little bear

under the unbrella tree

the adventures of winnie the pooh



Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.


When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When Toys R Us was the best place to be.

Go back to the time when....

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When everyone wanted to be a Power Ranger

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When valentines day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, that's still no good)

maybe even when your friends didnt break off into different crowds, you were all one group.

When Sky Dancers were fun to play with.

When you had streamers on your bike.

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much

when Michael Jackson was cool

when watching saved by the bell, full house, and family matters every friday on TGIF was your favorite thing to do on your friday night

2 * | Watch Me Cry

world, please stop and let me off... [25 Jan 2006|04:53pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

so, yesterday was possibly the worst day of my entire life. well, cassie had a dr.s apt. and anyone who doesn't know she has J.R.A. (it attacks her joints and heart and lungs) and mom and her got home from the doctors to inform everyone that she was going to be starting chemo. and well, it's ruined everything. i would go throught it for her if i could. take all her pain away. i would do it all. i'm not going to be able to see her go through that. and she has to be on it ATLEAST 6 MONTHS. but it could be years. its anyone guess right now. and that i think scares me more than anything. i can't even imagine what shes going through. she has now been taken out of school, no one is allowed over. shes just going to be so sick. my heart breaks for her. i love her so much!!!!!!

i love you more than anything in this world cassie. its all going to be o.k. i promise!!!!!!

2 * | Watch Me Cry

[24 Jan 2006|01:05am]
[ mood | cold ]

no matter where i go or what i do, i can't escape you.

Watch Me Cry

i just want to feel safe... [25 Nov 2005|12:41am]
[ mood | awake ]

do you ever feel like you have so much to say but you don't know where to start or how to start or even who to talk to?

thats how i feel right now. i feel like i'm going to burst because there's so much inside of me that i want to get out...need to get out. but i don't even know where to start...

Watch Me Cry

just a lil somethin [01 Nov 2005|11:01am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

She wore a mask that glitters behind broken eyes
A mask of which she uses to hide
From all of the pain and the tears
Her soul has died
A creature in hiding for so many years
This mask is a shield for her tears
She doesn’t even know where to begin
Nor does she even know how long it has been
She is ready to reveal the beauty she has within
Its been so long
She doesn’t even know if she could belong
What is she to do?
Continue to hide from this world that is so bright and so new
She cant keep playing these games
It is hard for her to any longer breath
She no longer has the strength to believe
She has been so naive
To wonder through this place alone
Like a seed planted in the ground she has grown
Into a beauty so timeless and fair
It is time for a breath of fresh air
She removes her mask
And she knows that she could no longer live in the past

2 * | Watch Me Cry

bored... [30 Oct 2005|05:28pm]
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 60%
Stability |||||||||||| 43%
Orderliness |||||| 30%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 70%
Interdependence |||||||||| 36%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||||||||| 50%
Artistic |||||||||||||| 56%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Work ethic |||||||||| 36%
Self absorbed |||||| 30%
Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||||||||| 43%
Change averse |||| 16%
Cautiousness |||||| 30%
Individuality |||||||||||| 50%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 50%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 50%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||| 36%
Vanity |||| 16%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Watch Me Cry

haha [28 Oct 2005|01:48am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Viking.

Where You Lived: Mongolia.

How You Died: In Childbirth.
Watch Me Cry

Remember When.... [24 Oct 2005|11:16pm]
[ mood | restless ]

i'm about ready to make the biggest change i ever could in life. i'm so excited. i know everythings going to be perfect. i'm finally not scared about the future.
i've been stuck in the past. wishing i didn't make some of the choices that i had. wanting to take back so many things. maybe i would have been happier?? but, i'm happy...and thats all that matters anymore. no more regreting the past....(i still love you and only did it to help you, give you a life i couldn't have given you)
me and casey broke up. so, no moving to Ohio for me. (thank goodness) i mean it hurts, but it needed to happed, i was unhappy and hurt someone i love more than anything. so, it just wasn't working anymore.

i need a soul vacation. i have this urge to go to some state where i don't know anyone and go and get a cup of coffee and sit in the cold weather and ponder life. actually, i would settle for a nice long conversation with someone i haven't talked to in forever and reflect on how life is.
i've done so much soul searching, i've grown, i'm soneone i didn't think i ever could be, but in the process i've lost many of my close firends. and that hurts.
i was thinking about the day before i left for new york and me, vanessa, danielle, phillis, and james all went up to beatnicks and had some awesome coffee and just talked. well shared stories on phillis and james. thats one of the best memories, and now i don't talk to any of them anymore. Vanessa thinks i'm a crack whore, james is...an ass, phillis is in boot camp, and i don't know about danielle.
i just want someone to sit down with and have a nice meaningful conversation with. someone i haven't talked to in a while.

in a few months, when everything is finalized, i'm moving out of state. i don't know exactally what state, i'm thinking new york, but a different state. i'm going to have to grow up, and i love that idea.

i just, miss you....

1 * | Watch Me Cry

[11 Sep 2005|12:33am]
[ mood | artistic ]

so i was looking through bad_tattoos and stumbled upon this.  it took a minute to figure out what it was, and then i couldn't stop laughing.  why on earth would anyone what to do something like this?  the pain!!!!!!!!


wtf?!?Collapse )

2 * | Watch Me Cry

poem [09 Sep 2005|06:18pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

when the phone doesnt ring
and it's far past too late,
discontent makes me vomit
and there was nothing on my plate.

my stomach is clenching
and twisting in doubt.
and even if you call now,
ill never get it out.

cause i was never so skilled.
and i just can't confront.
but you're breaking me down.
and it's not any fun.

please leave my head.
and make sure to close my heart.
and with the windows all sealed,
ill be left in the dark.

Watch Me Cry

haha, this took forever [04 Sep 2005|12:06am]
[ mood | curious ]

haha, this took forever but its finally finished

001. i'm deathly afraid of banannas, i can't look at them or touch them, or eat them...
002. I have broken my right foot
003. when i was in 4th grade i had surgery on my stomach because i couldn't keep any food down
004. i've lived in 3 different states (fl, va, and west va)
005. i'm scared of the dark
006. my parents have been married for 20 years, seperated for 11 of those, and only lived together for about 8 of those 
007. i've been published in the newspaper on an article i wrote about my church.
008. i've gone to a total of 11 schools (7 elementary, 2 middle and 2 high)
009. i have lived in 6 cities/towns in florida, including the keys

everything you ever wanted to know about me but never askedCollapse )

4 * | Watch Me Cry

Love Is In The Air [01 Sep 2005|12:38am]
[ mood | loved ]

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you
Watch Me Cry

FRIENDS ONLY!!!! [20 Jun 2004|12:31pm]
title or description
4 * | Watch Me Cry

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